Skinny jeans. I mean really. Did we HAVE to bring them back?
I thought they were ugly the first time I saw them back in the 1980s. Slayer or Megadeath or some other horrific heavy metal hollerers were wearing their skin-tight acid washed ones while they banged around on stage. Thank you MTV for giving me access there. And to make things worse, the hair band guys paired them with white high top sneakers and an equally ugly short jean jacket.
Then in the 1990s, we had British invasion New Wave bands like Duran Duran, The Cure and Flock of Seagulls who proudly donned their dark denim or black skinnies, only you didn’t even realize they were wearing skinny jeans because you couldn’t get past their hair and eye makeup.
So I thought we escaped that horrible fad, but alas I was wrong. Young Justin Bieber and all three brothers Jonas proudly sport skinny jeans and every teeny bopper (and those not so teeny) on the planet is running to get theirs.
I have a big problem with that. Not mine personally, because I think skinny jeans are not only hideous, but very uncomfortable and unflattering to a nearly 45-year-old butt. So alas, I opt for the old stand by boot cut or flare variety.
No my problem is that my five-year old has decided that skinny jeans are what she wants under the tree this year.
Now don’t get me wrong. I am all for fads, styles etc. I was a youngster once too and I get the whole “if I don’t have these (fill in the blank) everyone will think I am a loser and I should just die now” thing. I was a teenage girl for crying out loud.
I am sure I drove my parents crazy absolutely having to have the Le Sport Sac purse, the ruffle collared shirts,the Madonna bracelets, the big hair, and the Izod Shirts — only we called them Alligator shirts back then. Can you guess I was a teenager smack in the 80s?
No it’s the fact that my poor little girl will have a very tough time squeezing her average body into a pair of skinny jeans. Her average and adorable and muscular little girl legs are too wide for any pair of size 6 or 6x little girl skinny jeans.
And that makes me mad.
Someone I told about this dilemma suggested I size up and get her a 7. And normally that would be a nice idea. But then she would likely look like an inverted Christmas tree, with the skin-tight pants clinging to her calves and then gradually widening up her legs until they are hanging off her at the waist and butt. Not a pretty picture I am sure.
Skinny jeans. Damn you!
I am sure if I really thought about it, I could let her try to squeeze into those pants and see if what I think will happen will. But what would I say to her if and when they were too small?
Sorry honey, you’re not skinny enough for skinny jeans.
Body image distortion in the making if you ask me.It just isn’t fair.
Little girls should be able to be little girls and not want to look like Selena Gomez or Miranda Cosgrove and the iCarly cast when they are five. The clothes at Gap Kids should not be mirror images of the clothes at the Gap. Little girls should be wearing leggings and flowered sweaters and shirts with Princesses and fairies on them. There should be a difference in outfits worn on the elementary school playgrounds and in the middle school cafeteria.
And sadly sometimes we can’t tell who is who.
Oh I know I am such a hypocrite. I wanted to grow up so damn fast when I was a kid. I remember kicking and screaming at the injustice of my parents’ rule that I had to be a certain age to do this or that, wear this or that, or go here or there or attend a rock concert.
And now look at me. Standing on my virtual soap box spewing to all who will listen that it is unfair that kids are growing up too fast. Argh. Hindsight is so 20-20. If I knew then what I know now and all that crapola.
I know, it’s just a pair of jeans. Jeans.
Now I get it. I really do. The worries of parenting. They make me old.
But, I still find myself in a bit if a quandary as to what I should do about the skinny jeans. Likely I will tell my daughter that I couldn’t find her size at the store.
But if she asks why Santa Claus didn’t bring her any, well, I am at a loss for that one.
Suggestions greatly appreciated.
In closing, I wish you happy and healthy Christmas shopping. May your days be merry and bright and void of skinny jean disasters in the making.